Our Christmas Lists - 2014

I'm well known for being a very early Christmas shopping starter!  I started in July this year, haha!!  Thought I'd share the top 5 items that are on the kids' Christmas lists for this year.  You never know, those of you struggling for ideas may find the perfect gift!

ps - Mathilde is only 20 months.  I'm guessing what she'll like, which means I'm buying her what I'd like her to have! :D

CHARLIE  (Age 6.5)

1.  Disney Infinity 2.0

After buying the original Disney Infinity for Charlie's birthday last March, it pains me to buy this updated version of the game already, but this is what he has asked for as his main present this year. Charlie is a big fan of this game and he's eager to get the Marvel characters.

For those of you not familiar with the game, I'll do my best to give you a quick run through.  When buying the game you get a disc, a baseplate which holds up to 3 figures/gamepieces and a selection of starter figures (Thor, Black Widow and Ironman with 2:0 Marvel and Mr Incredible, Captain Jack Sparrow and Sulley with the original game).  The baseplate plugs into the Xbox and the figures (there are dozens to collect) are placed on the plate which is picked up by the game.  Some of the figures can be bought in larger packs along with a gamepiece which is also added to the baseplate.  The gamepiece holds many additional adventures for the given figure.  Many of the figures, however, don't come with a gamepiece so they can only be played on what is called the "toybox" aspect of the game which is like a big adventure playground with lots to do and discover.

I have no idea whether this game is actually good or not as I haven't played it, but my six year old things it's brilliant.  So much so he often asks for add-on bits and pieces such as magazines, books, sticker-books and t-shirts!

I've heard it's a bit like 'Skylanders', whatever that is!

2.  Lego Batman and the Two Face Chase

Both of my boys love Lego AND Batman and for reasons best known to Charlie, his favourite character is Two Face.  Unfortunately the Two Face Chase Lego set was discontinued last year so by the time he got REALLY into Lego Batman, his favourite character was unavailable.  The best I've been able to do was to source a copy minifigure of Two Face from China.  Charlie loved it!  He loved it so much that he carried it around in his hand for a week and all the cheap paint rubbed off.

Then after reading a book with all the sets pictured he said, "Mammy, I really really want the Two Face Chase set for Christmas".  I knew it wasn't available so I told him we couldn't get it in the shops any more.  So he cried.  I looked on eBay and what was once a set priced at circa. £40.00 now sells for £120.00.  What could I do?  I hoped he'd forget about it.  Then he came to me one day and said, "Mammy, you know how the Two Face Lego set isn't in the shops any more?  Well, if we ask Santa, I'm sure the elves could make it."

Argh!  So now I was faced with the prospect of 'no Lego Two Face = Santa and his workshop aren't real'. So I hunted and hunted and managed to find a used set on eBay (with original box) for £32.00.  Charlie won't realise its second hand and he'll be over the moon! 

3.  Build-a-Bear Paperback Pup

Charlie's favourite present from last Christmas was his build-a-bear teddy who we called 'Edward'.  

Edward has lots and lots of costumes.  He has pyjamas and everyday clothes, he has a Spider-man suit, a Darth Vader suit, a Woody suit, a Jedi Knight suit, a Hamley's-purchased London guard suit and he's currently wearing a skeleton Halloween costume.

Recently, Charlie decided that Edward would like a friend called 'Barnaby' and that he would be a dog. Here he is:

4.  Disney Store Talking Darth Vader

Charlie loves Star Wars and Darth Vader is his favourite character.  He has a few figures of Darth and last year he got an Anakin to Darth Vader transforming figure which was unfortunately rubbish as all of his clothes fall off willy-nilly.  Charlie also has a Darth Vader suit which Henry won't allow him to wear as he's terrified of it.  He sneaks into his room and hides the mask!

So, when I saw these new talking figure sin the Disney Store I had to get him a better Darth!  I've bought Henry the Stormtrooper one.

5.  Minecraft Stuff

Minecraft is a game.  You seem to walk around various worlds and build stuff.  It has annoying music and some bloke called Stampy is always bellowing out of the tablet from YouTube about it: "Hellooooooo this is Stampy .... ".

Charlie loves Minecraft but I'm not convinced he has worked out how to play it properly.  Never mind, he loves it so I've invested in some overpriced tat for his stocking.  I've no idea what the purpose of this stuff is, aside from being a waste of money.  It doesn't seem to do anything and I can't imagine what he's going to do with it, but it's all over the shops at the moment and all of his friends seem to be wanting it, so I'll leave it as a 'mystery' well beyond the comprehension of a 40 year old mum.

HENRY  (Age 4)

1.  Playmobil Lion Knights' Empire Castle

Playmobil make very very very good toys.  We have lots of it in our house starting with the toddler 1-2-3 sets (zoo, vehicles) then moving on to a gigantic zoo, a huge cowboy town (with Indian enclave), a holiday resort (full camping site, holiday house, swimming pool), police station with all the vehicles, pirate ships, doll house, dragon tower and lots more!

I don't mind buying Playmobil even though it's quite pricey.  I find it much better value than Lego and both boys have played with it a lot.  Henry in particular can sit for hours and hours and hours playing with these sets and I recommend the brand to everyone I know.

For months Henry has asked Santa (his secret camera is the motion sensor in our back room) for the 'big knight castle'.  He looks at the catalogue almost daily and he kisses the page with the castle on.  Only problem is it's £160.00, but I'm watching Amazon as the price goes up and down a lot.

2.  Fisher Price Imaginext Batman Batcave

As mentioned earlier, both of my boys LOVE Batman and we already have a lot of Batman toys, books, stickers and dress-up clothes.  There was a time earlier in the year when Henry dressed as Batman every day and would only answer to 'Batman' at nursery.  As a genius, I had a great plan to get him to wear his normal clothes which was, "ooh today you can dress up as Bruce Wayne, Henry!"  So away he went in his jeans and t-shirt - he would only answer to 'Bruce Wayne' for the day - but at least I could wash the Batsuit! :)

Henry spotted this batcave on the back of a magazine a while back, so I got it for him.  I've added with a couple of other Imaginext bits and pieces.

3.  Tellatale Three Little Pigs puppet set

Henry has been enjoying story time at home and nursery recently and the Three Little Pigs is the current favourite.  He loves pretending to be a piggie and saying, "not by the hair on my chinnie, chinnie, chinnie!"

We've had a few finger puppets from the Tellatale puppet company and this set is going to be perfect for story time.

4.  Disney Store Storm trooper suit

Henry has drawers full of dress-up costumes and loves putting on a suit!  He's currently dressed as a ghost pirate for Halloween but he loves all the regular 'boy' dress up games such as Superheroes (Batman, of course); policemen; firemen; Santa's elves; pirates; knights; wizards and clone troopers from Star Wars.

He's been wanting a regular Stormtrooper suit for a while.  Is there a difference between a stormtrooper and a clonetrooper?  Hmmm ... well as far as I can see one is all white and the other has a stripe of colour on it's helmet.

5.  Playmobil 'take-along' farm

Given that we're already buying Henry that gigantic castle as his main 'from Santa' present, his announcement that he also wanted a 'noy narm' (toy farm) meant that I had a google around for a good Playmobil farm set and stumbled across this little compact one which is now discontinued.  I found a new one selling on Amazon for £60.00, but I managed to buy a second hand one on eBay for just £12.00.  Quite pleased with this bargain! :)

MATHILDE  (Age 20 months)

1.  Dolls' rocking cradle from the Great Little Trading Company

Mathilde seems to be going through a stage of loving baby dollies (as well as every real life baby she sees). As I only have experience of boy children - I don't know whether this will pass quickly or whether it will stay with us for quite a few years yet, but it is rather cute.

We have a collection of a few baby dollies at the moment and I don't think the expensive Baby Annabel or Baby Bjorn dolls are worth the money for a one year old, so I thought I'd leave that until next year!

Instead, we need a bed for the babies and I stumbled across this lovely one.  Not a huge fan of the pink or the plastic, so this is a little less imposing than some.

2.  ELC Happyland fairy treehouse + hedgehog carriage

We have had lots and lots of lovely Happyland toys over the years and I remember making an entire village for Charlie when he was a toddler with farm, zoo, fairground, camp site, shops and even a beach!

Henry was more interested in space rocket, knights' castle and pirate ship Happyland and now I'm finally adding some of the more girly bits!  Mathilde already plays with a little mouse kettle house which she got for her 1st birthday and I know this lovely tree house will also go down well.

This set was reduced in Tesco a few weeks back - from £60.00 to £30.00 - so it is also a very good bargain! :)

3.  Peppa Pig Weebles Funhouse

It's Peppa ... they wobble ... 'nuff said!

Not sure this stuff is worth the price tag and it only came with one figure ... £5.00 - £9.00 each for extra ones but ... it's Peppa (or bep-bep) and she's Mathilde's favourite at the moment! 

4.  Disney Store Singing Elsa

I'm very pleased that I've missed the whole Frozen fanatical thing with all the merchandise mania!  Mathilde coos over the dolls in the Disney Store, but not as much as she likes Peppa.  Anyway, we were browsing the shops the other day and this doll was 'singing' and she loved it!  

5.  Memory Bear

I saw these gorgeous bears advertised on a Facebook local parenting forum and I wanted to have one made for Mathilde.  The lady who makes them, Treena Marshall, is so talented and I don't know how she does it! All I needed was a selection of Mathilde's baby clothes (I used 7 sleepsuits) and Treena made this gorgeous bear out of them in no time at all.  Amazing!!!

Treena's page is: https://www.facebook.com/raggedy.pals?fref=ts

* * * * *

So these will hopefully be the kids' top 5 toys of this year, unless they decide to play with the boxes (happens to us all) or then never see the light of day again after Boxing Day (this has happened too!).

Why I have thrown the ‘milestone charts’ in the bin!

Tomorrow my troublesome middle child turns four years old.  How did it take him so long?  It feels like he’s been with us for decades!

The journey to four with Henry has been much more difficult than it was with our eldest child.  Right from the start it seemed like my beautiful, golden-haired littlest boy knew precisely what he wanted and he wasn’t going to do things any other way.  My eldest, Charlie, is snoozy and laidback.  He does whatever he’s asked the first time and he’s as easy-going as they come.  With Henry, if you ask him to do something once then you’ll have to ask him another twenty times.  Your voice will get increasingly high-pitched and sometimes you might have to shout.  Very, very loudly.  Even then he’ll only do it if he wants to and only after you’ve threatened him with no presents from Santa or cancelling his birthday party.  Whatever does the trick!

Henry was due to arrive at Halloween 2010, but he surprised us by arriving 5 hours early.  The night he was born, he screamed every time I put him in the little cot that was attached to my hospital bed.  I managed a few hours sleep with him snuggled in my arms.  Over the next few months, I soon got used to him wanting that closeness, which was a good thing as that’s the way Henry and I were to sleep every night for the next two and a half years!  It was a habit we were told we had to break (of course I was making a rod for my own back!), but we got used to it and there was no better thing in the world than waking up to my gorgeous, happy baby.

Henry settled in well and he was always smiling and content.  Back then, everyone commented on what a well behaved little baby he was.  Big brother Charlie adored him and Henry fed well and hit all those rolling over, sitting up, crawling, standing and walking milestones that we parents pointlessly obsess about.

It probably took us eighteen months before we realised Henry’s speech was non-existent.  We tried not to be too concerned about it as Charlie, who had a gluey ear, was a late talker too (plus, I knew it was common with boys).  It had been a hard slog with Charlie and I didn’t particularly relish the thought of going through it all again, but even at eighteen months Charlie had a few recognisable grunts, whereas Henry wasn’t saying anything at all. 

What you find if your child has a noticeable developmental delay is that everybody will have an opinion on why it has happened and what will put it right and that these often unhelpful and occasionally hurtful opinions, fly in the face of what medical professionals will tell you and what a few hours internet research will bring to light.

So, with Henry passing all the hearing tests, I then had to deal with not just a child who was getting more and more frustrated that he couldn’t communicate, but with the ‘world’ telling me what I had to do to solve my “problem.”  Why was my happy, gorgeous little boy deemed a "problem"?

“Henry still doesn’t have any words, Elizabeth.  You have to talk to him you know?  If you speak to him more he’ll start talking back.”

“It must be awful for you that Henry still isn’t talking.  Katy was talking more than him when she was ten months old.  It must be so hard having a child who you get nothing back from.”

“Hugo had 200 words before he was two.  My auntie’s best friend’s a head-teacher at a primary school and she says this means he’s VERY clever.”

“Are you sure Henry’s ok, Elizabeth?  He’s just walking around looking blank all the time.  Why isn’t he talking?”

 “Can you believe that Poppy has just been scored by nursery in the 36 to 48 month ability range for language.  She’s so advanced for her age.  What on earth is she going to be like when she’s five, can you imagine?  She’s so far ahead already!”

Me: “Well, she’s been marked at 36 months and she’s three, isn’t she?”

“Erm, she's not three for two weeks actually!”

It was hard seeing Henry struggle.  He’s my strong-willed one as it is and his behaviour was affected by his inability to make himself understood.  What I found even more difficult was the assumptions that were made.  We hear all the time that bright children have lots of language early, whilst a child who doesn’t communicate is behind – and will probably stay behind.  I remember crying after reading a newspaper opinion article written by some woman (with no professional credentials) who blamed late speech on lazy, uneducated parents with poor vocabularies who never read to their child and who sat them in front of iPads instead of talking to them.  It hit me like a brick.  People who don’t know any better, will assume my child isn’t talked to, that he isn’t read to or that his parents are stupid.   I could have punched that silly woman on her self-righteous nose and I felt an urge to tell everyone who’d listen the truth that Henry’s shelves were stocked with hundreds of books and that he had at least five stories every night! 

Then there was the ubiquitous competitive mummy “friends” who saw Henry as a benchmark to compare their parenting.  Henry couldn’t talk, so this made their child brilliant.  I had failed (twice) to produce a bright, chatty child, so this made their parenting infinitely superior.  The message came loud and clear from many directions and it came to my face, as well as behind my back.  “Oh, we’re going to softplay with Elizabeth and Henry this afternoon, but it’s no fun for Amelia.  She get’s nothing at all out of playing with Henry as he’s so far behind her.  It’s so hard for her to have to play with him.”

You may think that dealing with such negative comments has knocked my confidence and in some ways it has, but I never once lost confidence in Henry.  My little boy is bright, funny, thoughtful, loving and he has the concentration level of a criminal genius.  He gets up to antics that Charlie would never have dreamt of.  He dissasembles anything which will dissasemble to see how it works and he can usually put it back together again.  Henry is a physical, active learner.  He’s a thinker and a do-er and a problem solver. 

Henry flew past every single one of those early development milestones – except one.  Just one.  The one that is deemed very important, but still just one out of hundreds.  He was running, jumping and skipping when the milestone charts said he should be learning to cruise around the furniture, he was eating with a knife and a fork when the charts said he should be starting finger foods and he was dressing himself and putting on his own shoes when others his age were still crawling in babygros.  Did it really mean so much that he couldn’t talk?

Henry’s pre-school have been fantastic with him and I am thankful that they appreciated all the wonderful things about him and all the amazing things he can do without ever signalling to me that they thought he has a problem or that his speech was an “issue”.  Instead, I was told he would talk when he was ready and it would be like flicking on a switch.  They were absolutely right.  The Christmas following his third birthday, Henry started talking and now at four years old (tomorrow!) he never shuts up.  He sings, he tells jokes and he does impressions.  He has almost caught up, precisely as I knew he would.

So, the milestone charts have been binned in our house – forever – because far more important than a tick in a box are all the things about Henry that can’t be measured on a scale: the kindness he shows to his friends; his eagerness to be helpful to Mummy and Daddy; his never-ending love of Batman and Mary Poppins; his excitement at going on an adventure (whether it is on holiday or just to the shops) and his smile which lights up the room when he gets a hug from his brother or sister.

With my third child I have vowed never to look once at the milestone charts.  Mathilde is 20 months old now and I have no idea whether she’s “on track”, I don’t care whether her boxes get ticked early or late, I don’t mind if she’s deemed ‘advanced’ or ‘behind’ as she’s absolutely perfect to me just the way she is.

Kids don't have to be messy to be happy!

I have something to admit and I'm painfully aware that this is going to mark my cards as the crappiest, least fun mum in the entire world.

Here we go ...

"I don't like my kids being dirty!"

I can hear the gasps of horror ringing in my ears.  I know some of you will have an uncontrollable urge to come to my house, kidnap my boys, strip them to their pants and chuck paint all over them.  I know others will want to grab the baby, strip her to her nappy and sit her in a cushioned impossible-to-clean highchair piled high with spaghetti bolognese, whilst simultaneously hiding all the bibs and spoons!

But it gets worse as I have an even greater guilty secret.  Here it is ...

"I don't have a dirty house and the kids' bedrooms are all tidy!"

Again, I can imagine the judgemental looks of disapproval.  I have three children aged six and under - how is this possible?  There must be no fun at all happening in my house, as these well known 'available to buy for a small cost' plaques testify:

The inference is clear, isn't it?  If you, your children and your home are clean and tidy then your kids can't be happy, you aren't any fun and you're nowhere near as good a mum as the lady next door who bathes her children in baked beans and allows them to eat trifle with their fingers.

I am forced to be totally ashamed of my fondness for cleanliness and what this signifies. But, hands up time! I'm not at all gifted or motivated in the housework department, there is usually an ironing pile or two lurking around and my home is spotless due to my lovely cleaner, not by any grand effort on my part.  Given my youngest's tantrum-inducing hoover phobia combined by my laziness, I can assure you my house would be a tip if I didn't pay somebody else to clean it for me.  It seems my ironing piles are my one saving grace in a world which awards a badge of honour to mums for their scruffiness.  There's no better way of signalling excellence in the parenting department than to forfeit the housework in favour of dragging your paint-splatted kids from one fun-filled activity to another dressed in muddy wellies and dirty dungarees.  Have a clean and tidy home, even if it isn't cleaned by you, and you're doomed to being labelled as 'not fun enough'.

Don't think I haven't tried to locate my inner-scruff.  I've taken the kids to art classes where I've resisted the urge to wipe paint off their hands until home time.  I've managed to hold it together whilst they've glued and chalked at playgroups and occasionally ketchup stains have been left on chins and noses until bath time.  Yet, try as I might, I'm just not 'feeling' the messy fun. I don't like grubby faces and dirty clothes, I don't like gloop and I can't muster any enthusiasm for rolling around in the dirt.  If my kids are scruffy I have to wash them, it's as simple and unsavoury as that. If this makes me a colossal failure, then so be it, and I'll apologise to them in later life for depriving them of the joys of grime.

Recently my Facebook news feed has been crammed with images of dirty children in highchairs, when I know full well there are several packets of baby wipes in their houses.  All children make messes with their tea, am I abnormal for wiping mines' faces and putting a plastic bib on them to protect their clothes?  Sure, a messy baby picture is funny the first time and everyone has one or two in their collection, but fifty uploaded photos of children eating shepherds pie, dressed in nothing but a nappy and with no cutlery in sight, tends to wear a bit thin.

Then we have the highly strange 'birthday cake smash'.  Obviously I'm at a complete loss with this one!  It's now the done thing for eager-to-impress mums to arrange a photo shoot for their babies' first birthdays, purposefully covering them in smashed up chocolate cake and wearing guess what?  Yes, only their nappy. Today's new parents can keep a memento of their cool parenting hung in their hallway until, presumably, the children reach their teenage years and ask them what on earth they were thinking.

Birthday parties have morphed into a competition of one-up-womanship where mummies vie to outdo each other, not on the best party-bag or most spectacular home-baked cake, but on who can make their child's party guests the dirtiest.  A dirty party, of course, equals a great party.  So, forget the party dresses and the orderly games of pass-the-parcel.  There's no room for these outdated diversions in a birthday party hosted by a fabulously fun super-scruff.  Instead, bring your toddler to the party in their nappy and they can spend a fun-filled couple of hours sitting in a paddling pool filled with cold custard and, presumably, their fellow guests' wee-wees.

Businesses have emerged where whole events are organised to the specification of the scruffy-is-cool mummy set.  Here, babies can enjoy themselves by romping in heaps of cold, wet spaghetti and cornflakes, followed by digging around in sandpits of jelly and shaving foam.  Have you ever looked at the children's faces at these parties?  They're nowhere near as pleased by the fun provided as their parents are.

Even churches are getting in on the action and are drawing in the fun families and happy kids with something called a "messy church".  It's a stroke of pure genius at a time when the pews are deserted by anybody under the age of 75.  Cleanliness was once next to godliness, but not any more!

When did scruffy start to mean cool?  Don't get me wrong, if you really are hard at work being creative with your kids then this is all bloody fantastic and I envy your enthusiasm.  I have lots of lovely, fun and very cool hippie-type mummy friends who rave about this kind of stuff and I'm certain their children are ecstatically happy in the goo - but they're no happier than mine are out of it!  At least I hope they're not ...

Why is the world telling me I ought to feel guilty that whilst my children are washed, brushed and dressed nicely to play with their toys, read their books and enjoy their games, others are sitting in buckets of blancmange?  Well, I don't feel guilty.  Not one little bit!

When it comes to the crunch, we all choose to do stuff with our kids that WE enjoy, in the hope that our children will too.  I'm overjoyed that people are sharing their love of painting their own feet with their children.  Just as I'm overjoyed that today, the first day of half-term, there will be children playing football (boring), decorating their fingernails (pointless) and playing Minecraft (utterly bewildering).

Today, my kids have performed a comic strip with their Playmobil thanks in small part to my love of story-telling.  Yesterday we spent hours in Ikea pretending we lived in the shop's room set-ups thanks in small part to my love of flat-packed Scandinavian furniture.  It was a lot of fun, the kids had a ball and they emerged from both activities spotless of mud, paint, glue and tomato sauce.  But I'm sure they had no more fun than their messy neighbour's kids did making mud pies and vice versa!  Kids are more than happy dressing-up, making sticker-books, playing on x:boxes, drawing pictures of super-heroes, baking cupcakes, building Lego, watching Mary Poppins for the hundredth time, listening and dancing to One Direction, or just being in the company of their parents getting lots of cuddles.

The amount of fun you can have whilst being clean and tidy is infinite!

I don't understand the blatant 'neighbour' voting!

No, I'm not talking about the Eurovision Song Contest.  I'll save that commentary for next May.

I'm talking about the shameful bias of South Tyneside council as they put up banners and electronic signs to instruct people to vote on some daft TV show called 'The X-Factor'.

Now, I don't watch this show mainly because its to do with 'popular' music - a topic with which I have no interest or appreciation.  I also don't watch it because its on ITV, a television channel which is so low-brow and patronising that I once spent at least half an hour trying and failing to 'tune' it out of my Virgin box.

I'm not a fan of these shows, but not being thick, I assume the point of them is that you watch up-and-coming talent, decide who you think is the best based solely on their performance and then, if you're very silly, you'll spend ridiculous amounts of cash on telephone calls voting for your favourite.

Apparently not.  The Mayor of South Tyneside tells us in the Shields Gazette, "I'm delighted to lend my name to Lola (?) and know the people of South Tyneside will get behind her and support her ... she is a fantastic ambassador for the borough.  She definitely has the X-Factor."

But, what if we think the group from North London is better than her?  What if the bloke from the Outer Hebrides wipes the floor with her 'on the night'?  Should we vote for Lola anyway just because she lives closer to our house?  These electronic signs should be used for traffic management and driver safety information, not in telling us to vote for our neighbour, even if she isn't the best, in a telly pop talent contest.

The aforementioned bloke from the Outer Hebrides wouldn't stand a chance if all councils held up banners proclaiming, in essence, "Vote for whoever lives closest to your house!".  That would leave him with around 14 people and a wee scottie dog named Morag from whom to pool votes.

Call me cynical, but I think Madame la Mayor of South Shields has her eye firmly on the pennies!  Vote Lola and the triple act of her, Joe McElderry and those 'girls from that group' which I can never remember the name of will be packing out Bent's Park with screaming adolescents and inebriated teenagers next summer. And this will be really good for South Shields, won't it?

Ka-ching!!!!

In the Night Garden ...

It's always broad daylight in the 'night' garden, isn't it?

Get to know me ...

Well, here we are – my first official blog post.

I thought I'd kick this game off with a little "getting to know me" post where I answer 31 questions (strange number) about myself.  Here we go ...

1.  Are you named after anyone?

Yes.  I am named after my grandmother, Betty, who I sadly never met.  She was my mam's mother and she died at a horribly young age in 1960, when my poor mam was only four years old.  Obviously, Back to the Future has shown us that if my grandmother had lived, then I wouldn't be here to entertain you with my ramblings, but I often wonder about her and I wish my mam had known her for longer.

2.  When was the last time you cried?

Are you kidding?  I cry everyday.  I filled up a bit writing my answer to question no.1.

3.  Do you have kids?

Yes, I have three funny, beautiful, clever and exasperating little children.  Charlie (6.5) is the eldest.  He's my gentle, kind-hearted one.  Henry (4) is the middle.  He's the strong-willed one (yes, strong-willed is a polite term for 'naughty'). Mathilde (20 months) is the youngest.  She's my enigma.  She's sweet and scrumptious, yet she can throw a tantrum that would put Elton John to shame!

4.  If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?

Christ, no!  I'm a total pain in the arse.  Don't get me wrong, I'm always there for a friend in need and I'll help them fight their corner no matter what it takes, but I don't know how I have friends as I never answer my phone, I'm pre-occupied by drama and I bore very easily.

5.  Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I am fluent in sarcasm.  I try to save it for people who 'get' me, but occasionally I cross the line.

6.  Will you ever bungee jump?

Never.  If someone told me to jump or they'd shoot me, I'd have to get shot.

7.  What's your favourite cereal?

Kellogg's crunchy nut granola.  The one with chocolate in it.  (rationed to one bowl a week as I'm doing WeightWatchers at the moment).

8.  What's the first thing you notice about people?

No idea.  Probably their face.  Stupid question.

9.  What is your eye colour?

Sludgy greenish-brown.

10.  Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings.  I get very, very annoyed if I ever watch a film that doesn't end the way I'd like it to end.  I hate horror movies, which infuriates the husband as its his favourite film genre.  I can't abide violence and gore and generally loathe anything frightening.  The husband once watched a film about a man who answered an advertisement volunteering to be eaten.  (True story - happened in Germany).  Why?

11.  Favourite smells?

Play doh, fresh baking, plastic toys, birthday candles, popcorn.

12.  Summer or winter?

Summer.  Living in the north of England, winter is bloody awful.  Summer is marginally better.  I need to emigrate.

13.  Computer or television?

Ooh that's a toughie!  We tend to only watch a handful of TV programmes 'live' and mostly download series, which we could watch on a computer, so I'd have to say 'computer'.  Plus, I absolutely couldn't live without my laptop.

14.  What's the furthest you've ever been from home?

Key West, Florida, USA.  Gorgeous!  Was around 25 years ago though! :)

15.  Do you have any special talents?

Memory: I know the capital city of every country in the world, US state capitals, French department capitals and I can recite the line of succession to the British throne from 1066 to present day.  I'm also a bit of an artist and have sold a few portraits in my time.  I've also made and sold lots of craft items, particularly miniature 1/12th scale books (don't ask - it's a niche market).

16.  Where were you born?

Sunderland, a 'city' in north east England.  Needs a bit of a makeover.

17.  What are your hobbies?

These tend to be children-related now, such as going to swimming pools, sci-fi fairs and local touristy stuff.  I love writing and have written half a novel (attempting to finish it).  Also enjoy shopping for nice things for my home, fun stuff for the kids and I'm a little obsessive about buying children's clothes.  Family holidays are another passion, as are my political 'crusades' and watching good American TV series such as Game of Thrones, Homeland and House of Cards.

18.  Do you have any pets?

No.  Nothing with fur and/or dirty feet will enter my house.

19.  Favourite movie?

I enjoy the classics: The Sound of Music; Mary Poppins; The Wizard of Oz; Gone with the Wind.  Also enjoy a good costume drama: Dances with Wolves; The Last Emperor; The Remains of the Day; Elizabeth; Gosford Park.  Anything Disney floats my boat too.

20.  Do you have any siblings?

One sister called Samantha (named by dad for Grace Kelly's character in High Society). She's four years younger than me, but looks older.  That's what I tell her anyway!

21.  Do you have a middle name?

No.  I am very unhappy for my parents over this.  No imagination!  

22.  What was your favourite subject at school?

Art.  I was always very good at it - but after doing it for a year at uni, I realised I wasn't good enough and switched to study business instead.

23.  What's you favourite song at the moment?

Nothing current.  I haven't listened to the 'charts' since 1992.  No idea what's 'top of the pops' these days.  Adele sings nicely I suppose, but I prefer a nice show tune.

24.  Do you participate in any sports?

No.  I'm built for comfort, not for speed.

25.  What's your favourite book?

Of all time, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.  Every line is absolute perfection.  Also adore Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks, Perfume by Patrick Suskind, His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte and anything by Philippa Gregory (historical chick-lit).

26.  What's your favourite colour?

Purple.  Oh, that's another favourite book.  The Color Purple by Alice Walker.

27.  What's your favourite animal?

Polar bear.  I adopted one once.  Not physically or literally, just via giving money to a zoo.

28.  What's you favourite perfume?

Anything by Vivienne Westwood.  Boudoir or Cheeky Alice.

29.  Do you speak any other languages?

I studied French from secondary through to university, but I'm very sorry to say I've forgotten most of what I once knew.  Would love to relearn it, but as it stands, I can still have a canny conversation with my 'holiday French', which is better than nothing.  I also used to know Latin, but that hasn't been useful since around 400 a.c.e.

30.  What's your favourite shop?

Next.  I have a monthly standing order to my account.  Me and the kids are usually dressed in Next clothes - good quality, fair price and quite stylish.  The husband doesn't shop there as, I quote, "nothing in Next fits me."  This is because he's shaped like a question mark.

31.  What's your favourite restaurant?

I love Japanese.  Ikuze in the Metro Centre and any branch of Yo Sushi.  My favourite local restaurant is Radhuni for Indian, Tavistock Retro Italia for Italian and McDonalds to make the kids happy.